Plans and Desires

As I sit here in room 444 here at Covenant--the silence screaming at me--I can't help but want to be somewhere else.  So in an attempt to distract myself from sinking into self-pity I decided to write on this blog.  When I turned on pandora for some fun tunes the first song was "Home" by Michael Buble.  It was just a little ironic.  Since the idea of home cannot be put out of mind, I guess I just have to face the fact that I can't make myself not miss it.  So here I am, embracing how much I miss Asheville and everything that makes Asheville home to me.  Family, friends, mountains, church, Fall, and even the so called "bad" things; Asheville will always be home.  Most all my friends have packed and left for their homes or friends' homes and I can't help but be jealous.  I don't know how many times this week I was asked, "where are you going for Fall break?" or "Are you excited about going home?" or "are you going home for break?" but it was just too many.  I found myself getting frustrated with people who were just trying to be nice and interested in my life.  I've known that I wasn't coming home for break since the first couple weeks of school but I didn't realize how much I was going to want to go home.

Funny though how every time I find myself falling into despair or hopelessness I am always found and caught back up by Strong and Gentle hands.  Have you ever had a moment when reading scripture when it seems as if the words were written to you specifically? Yesterday I read Psalm 20.  "May he grant you your heart's desire and fulfill all your plans! ... Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God ... we rise and stand upright ... May he answer us when we call."  Maybe its nothing to you right now, but it was and is everything to me. God is the great Answerer, the faithful Supporter, the generous Giver, the ultimate Savior and Protector.  I don't even know what my heart's desires are or what my plans are! but knowing that God knows my plans and my heart, and knowing that He is good brings overwhelming peace to my soul.  Oh how I love to plan and have a plan! It's just that right now I have no plans. May God give me a humble and meek spirit. Only He can satisfy the longing soul. Come Lord Jesus, fill this longing soul!

"May we shout for joy over your salvation, and in the name of our God set up our banners!"